Monday, January 09, 2006

Time time time, see what's become of me...

Funny indeed the diversions down which a mere Google-ing will send you... Just can't believe this Winnie The Pooh copyright case is still thrashing on, many years hence from the original deals, despite the apparent incapacity of the one authentic surviving Milne-r, and, the sudden Disney extravagances inflicted on the poor bear of very little brain, for his 80th birthday...
For example, a girlfriend replacing Christopher Robin. How obvious, I just can't believe all entranced readers have somehow managed otherwise for the past eight decades...
Oh, and the latest Pooh cinema franchise film not only namechecking, but featuring the Heffalump. Whose identity and realism was always meant to remain enchantingly ambiguous, schurely...?
Ah, but anyway...
Back to the money...
What a messy court case it seems...
Albeit lucrative for some... Someone... Somewhere... Sometime soon - or maybe not...

"I'm worth how much?" said Pooh.
"More than a million pounds," replied Christopher Robin.
"Oh," said Pooh.
"I just wonder how many jars of honey one might buy with one million pounds," Pooh pondered, patting his stomach.
"I think I must be worth two million pounds," said Piglet helpfully, looking up at Christopher Robin.
"Well," went on Christopher Robin, "Rabbit said he heard from his friends and relations about a big argument over who owned Pooh Bear and who should get the Royal Teas from anything with his picture on it."
"I see," said Pooh, who did not, really.
"I think I would rather like some Royal Tea with my honey this afternoon."
"And me!", squeaked Piglet, who had been listening very hard for his name but was very happy and surprised to hear Christopher Robin say it.
"Of course, there have been films about Pooh and Tigger and Piglet," came a very sad-sounding voice from outside Pooh's house.
"But no-one wants to make a film about Eeyore.
"No-one cares to even stop and talk to Eeyore.
"They just keep on making films about Pooh and Piglet and Tigger."
Pooh, Piglet and Christopher Robin looked outside to see who had spoken.
Then, seeing it was only Eeeyore, went back in.
Christopher Robin produced a piece of paper from his pocket and said it explained everything except who would win and what it was really all for in the end anyway.
Pooh nodded.
Then he decided to explain a Very Good Idea.
"I think I know what we have to do about this," Pooh said.
"I think we must ask Owl."
So they set off for Owl's house, knowing he was Very Clever Indeed because he could spell Tuesday and write his own name.
"Aaaaah!" said Owl when they arrived, and then: "Oh, it̢۪s you."
"And me!", said Piglet.
"Indeed," said Owl, who was Very Good at noticing people who had come to see him.
Then Pooh presented the Very Important Piece Of Paper, which they had found but could not yet understand. Yet.
Owl stayed very carefully silent.
He had not finished frowning, when Christopher Robin suddenly declared, he had heard the Very Important Piece Of Paper was called a Rit.
"Aaaah, yes," said Owl quickly.
"That is exactly what it is.
"I knew as soon as I saw it that this was a Rit because it is a Very Important Piece Of Paper, on which words have been Rit. By someone."
Pooh sighed.
They still did not seem very close to understanding why his name was on a Rit and why people seemed so cross and unhappy.
Besides, he wanted to get home.
He suddenly had a yearning to tuck into a Little Something he was sure was stored in a pot on his kitchen shelf.
Reading Rits and solving multi-million-pound legal Rangles involving multi-national corporations, literary descendants and high-powered lawyers was hungry business.
"I thought I belonged to everyone. I thought I was the world's favourite bear," Pooh said sadly.
"But then, I suppose I am a bear of very little brain."

4 comments:

Samantha said...

I couldn't believe it when I heard they were replacing Christopher Robin's with a girl. Stoopid people, leave our books alone!

fruey (Let's Have It) said...

First they hit Enid Blyton with political correctness (although some of that is almost justifiable). Now, they take on Pooh bear. Clearly the American dream cannot survive if it's not strictly heterosexual beyond any reasonable doubt, and of course the dream is already in peril what with mad Bushes and Eye-Rack.

Clever Pooh tale, and I like the Hazy Shade of Winter reference too (always quite liked the Bangles version of that).

Just blogrolled you.

-Fruey

prolix said...

Was that more anti-PC propaganda or did the US Noddy adaptation really have to rename Big Ears to something less offensive?

Aidan said...

That Bangles version must be up there in the upper echelons of lists devoted to 'cover versions better than the originals'.
A catalogue only slightly more extensive than 'Sequels which are better than the originals'...
Sorry, can't help on the Noddy query, though...
Always much preferred Pooh Bear, Alice, Peter Rabbit and Noggin The Nog myself (though Nogbad The Bad and his evil-looking followers gave me nightmares and, if I'm being brutally honest, still occasionally do...)