The man, just banished from Egypt in disgrace, is truly a loon.
A hugely entertaining loon, nonetheless.
In fact, every live TV game featuring Spurs should have a PlayerCam trained entirely on Mido, the whole game through, such is the enjoyment to be gained from his madcap histrionics, no matter how well or badly he actually performs with the ball at his feet.
He makes Guy Poyet - another frenetic footballer, once of this parish - look about as excitable as Ray Wilkins by comparison.
Sad to see him missing out, by dint of pure, predictably-unpredictable temperament and temper, on his country's big moment in the African Cup of Nations final.
But then, perhaps it was only to be somehow, strangely expected of a young man who once threw a pair of scissors across the dressing room at his striking partner - and, apparently, still a close friend to this day - Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
Mido has actually seemed to be on his best behaviour for Spurs, most of the time.
And it's astonishing to realise he's still only 22.
If he keeps up his top-scoring form on his return (unlike Fredi Kanoute, who seemed cursed after returning from his turn-out for Mali two years ago), he should win that full contract this summer. And deserve it, too, after shedding a lot of weight last summer and making himself the linchpin of our attack (last Sunday's win against Charlton was our first one in all the games he's missed this season...)
Though I do still uneasily suspect that, within mere days of us awarding him a full-time contract, he'll have ballooned to at least 16 stone.
After all, he did seem to be about the only Muslim to have actually gained weight during the last Ramadan...
But I'm being too unduly harsh now.
Especially of a man who, upon demanding why he should be taken off, and being told 'Because I'm the coach!', instantly hollers back: 'Yoh are nothing but a donkey!'
A pain in the ass, indeed...
But always entertaining, nevertheless.
I'm only disappointed Mido no longer dates the wonderfully-named former Miss Belgium, Joke Van Der Velde.