Sunday, October 08, 2006

"God bless this cheap hotel..."?

I dread to imagine what state I might be in this time next week, the morning after the main night of a friend's stag weekend in Bratislava. Especially since the best man, and master of revelries, is to temperance what Croydon is to glamour.

But perhaps it would be best to stay out on the town for as long as possible, judging by these online reviews that suggest our accommodation would make Fawlty Towers seem like the New York Plaza by comparison.

"wierd smell and terribly dirty. Nothing more to say. Don't go. Even for 10 euros a night. I warned you!"

"Apart from the location this place has nothing going for it. I stayed in this socialist monstrosity before the Iron Curtain was lifted and it was amusing then so i thought why not do it in 2005. Unfortunately the place has not been cleaned since 1989 or repaired. The beds are so uncomfortable that sleeping on the floor is better (unfortunately the floor was filthy though)."

"This hotel should be avoided at all costs, even sleeping in a doorway would be better. The whole room was a joke really, I was waiting for Jeremy Beadle to jump out of the closet and do a "you've been framed" on me."

"we decided to stay here even after they required us to pay upfront. Big mistake. My wife awoke at 2:00 complaining about a bug on her pillow. I flipped on the light to reveal that we and our sheets and mattress were COVERED in very large black bed bugs! We counted a couple dozen. They apparently had come out of the mattress and been biting us all night because there were blood spots all over the sheets. I did not know bed bugs got that big but when I squashed one, my blood smeared all over the mattress. ... Tip: there is a reason why they ask you to pay upfront; this place is infested--no kidding."

Ah, but perhaps it's not all bad...

"If it's luxury you are after then Hotel Kyev is the place for you. Starting with the spacious lobby and extending all the way to the penthouse suite this place reaked of class. The lift delivers you on to one of the 15 floors at breakneck speed, where you will find your suite, sympathetically prepared and ready for a great stay. I was in a suite with two friends and the fold down bed was unbelievably comfortable and the linen appeared brand new. The view from the hotel was unobscured and there was definitely no massive advertising poster pasted against the South side of the building. The staff were all fluent in English and German, one even spoke Russian, my native tongue. Very useful. I'm going back to Braislave with my gran and there is only one place I'd dream of taking her....that's right. Hotel K. Danke Hotel K. Danke!"

... right?
Maybe I'll give this DVD a miss for the time being...


Clare said...

Ummm good luck with staying at that hotel. Sounds like you might need it!!

Aidan said...

I suppose you get what you pay for. So I'm entitled to expect... not very much. It's hardly the priority factor of the weekend anyway.